A psychologist shares the 6 harmful characteristics of ‘extremely egotistical’ moms and dads– and how to handle them

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Narcissistic moms and dads frequently do not have the characteristics needed to be an effective moms and dad, such as self-awareness, empathy, perseverance and compassion.

As a psychologist who studies narcissism, I’ve discovered that kids of egotistical moms and dads can become grownups who deal with self-blame, insecurity and a consistent sensation that they aren’t enough.

While not all extremely egotistical moms and dads act the exact same method, there are some universal styles. Here are 6 harmful characteristics they share:

1. They are helpful in public however important in personal.

They may be front and center cheering their kids on at the soccer video game. But they will slam or cheapen them in the personal privacy of the automobile or in the house: “Why didn’t you try harder? You could have scored two more goals!”

A kid may feel guilty for having any unfavorable sensations since to everybody else, it appears like they are being raised by the “model parent.”

2. They produce an environment of skepticism.

To gain more power within the family, egotistical moms and dads will share chatter with their kids (e.g. “Don’t tell your sister, but I found out that your cousin was caught stealing money.”) to promote a sense of “us versus them.”

One brother or sister might feel unique if a trick was shown them and nobody else, developing an unhealthy precedent of hearing chatter and innuendo as being liked and getting a moms and dad’s approval.

3. They reward brother or sisters in a different way.

Narcissistic moms and dads play favorites. If they reward scholastic accomplishment, for instance, they may ignore a kid who has a hard time in school, in favor of the one who gets directly A’s.

This might not just weaken brother or sister relationships, however might likewise leave them defending the moms and dad’s attention and time.

4. They see their kids as an extension of themselves.

If the kid does what the moms and dad desires them to do, then that kid will be applauded and valued. If they do not, they might be overlooked or slammed.

Many kids, in a desperate effort to win over their egotistical moms and dads, will compromise parts of themselves, interests or choices to fit the mold their moms and dads set for them.

5. They anticipate a kid to mirror their feelings.

In a healthy parenting system, the moms and dad mirrors their kid’s feelings since they are attuned to them. When they see their kid is upset, they will adjust their tone and ask how they are feeling.

But for a conceited moms and dad, if the kid’s state of mind is at chances with theirs (e.g., the kid is unfortunate when the moms and dad enjoys), they may see them as being disloyal. Over time, a kid might stop trusting their own feelings.

6. They embarassment a kid for having or revealing requirements.

Narcissistic moms and dad frequently disregard their kid’s hopes, choices or beliefs.

They may make weakening remarks like, “You don’t really want to do that activity, do you?” or “Why do you think you would be good at that?”

How to handle a conceited moms and dad

If you are a relied on grownup in the kid’s life:

Give the kid attention and ask about things they have an interest in. Create a safe area for them share sensations without embarassment or judgment.

Let them understand that they are valued for their entire selves and not simply as somebody who fulfills the requirements of another person.

If you are the kid of a conceited:

Having a conceited moms and dad can produce a sense of stress and anxiety, or sensations of not sufficing, or an absence of self-identity. This can leave individuals scared they will continue the patterns of their youths, specifically when they have kids themselves.

But lots of adult kids of egotistical moms and dads have incredible compassion and are extremely called into wishing to do right by their own kids. Model compassion for your kid and be attuned and mentally present with them.

Demonstrate empathy, generosity and regard when you communicate with other grownups, too. Children take notice of what they see.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a psychologist, professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and founder of LUNA Education. She is also the author of “Don’t You Know Who I Am: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility″ and “Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist.” Follow her on Twitter @DoctorRamani

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