Barnaby’s rising from the dead

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To attain such stature, in fact, they turned skilled in all of the darkish arts: the thrust of the dagger upwards, the slash of the boot down, the soothing use of flattery earlier than the skewering.

It now seems additionally they took programs within the apply of maleficium, which, as a fellow long-serving public servant of the surviving form, you’ll perceive is the Latin phrase for essentially the most malevolent type of witchcraft.

Barnaby Joyce

Barnaby Joyce Credit score:Alex Ellinghausen

Forged out of their roles as leaders, it’s obvious they every have used these taxpayer-funded classes to fearful impact.

Although every promised solemnly throughout their closing moments to chorus from spitting, cursing, casting spells upon their successors or haunting the desires and ambitions of their former colleagues, none has remained fully true to those undertakings.

Certainly, they’ve undertaken what we would name transmogrification.

Sure, secretary.

And kits containing picket stakes must be saved within the cupboard room to be activated at any additional involuntary change of management.

Vampires! The residing useless!

It’s possible you’ll recall Mr Rudd. He’s nonetheless on the market, spooking, although comparatively impotent nowadays.

Extra just lately, think about Mr Abbott. Scurrying by the darkness, he gathered the like-minded of the night time and successfully sucked the life from his successor, Mr Turnbull. Now Mr Turnbull, contaminated, has taken to the imply streets of far New York, hissing: the early phases of undeadedness, in our view.

And presently there’s Mr Barnaby.

We barely dare point out his title. His powers are on the ascendant, his immense hat not able to disguising the horrible grudges and lusts seething inside.

We count on any second a strike on the jugular of the unlucky Mr McCormack, the beneficiary of Mr Barnaby’s earlier exit into the darkness. Mr McCormack is in such mortal hazard he has taken to declaring he has stable assist from colleagues. We recognise what which means. Poor fellow.

Up to now, as you realize, we relied on the goodwill of fallen management chaps to do the appropriate factor and to take a revolver into the library as soon as the writing was on the wall, because it had been.

We can not think about such a factor now. Why, Mr Abbott would very doubtless emerge with the revolver totally loaded and begin capturing. And Mr Barnaby would absolutely swap the weapon for a semi-automatic.

Credit score:

Now we have reached the inescapable conclusion that henceforth, a clove of garlic must be distributed with lapel badges to all present MPs to guard them from additional assaults.

And kits containing picket stakes must be saved within the cupboard room to be activated at any additional involuntary change of management.

Whereas these measures might sound excessive, we see no various. The present system clearly breeds these malevolent varieties, and if we should put as stake within the coronary heart of it, then wants should.

Please hasten to produce the required gadgets. Time is working out.

Yours and so forth

Dudley Cold (Cupboard Secretary)

Tony Wright is the affiliate editor and particular author for The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald

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