FORGET South West London – Twickenham was more like the South Pacific thanks to Manu Tuilagi and Joe Cokanasiga.
Samoan-born Tuilagi and Fijian Cokanasiga danced around like they were on the golden beaches of Polynesia, not a former cabbage patch in the capital.
Setting up a final-weekend nail-biter with a bonus points win and Eddie Jones’ side will clinch the title if Wales slip up at home to Ireland and they beat Scotland.
And whilst the other 28 players played rugby, two-try Tuilagi and Big Joe had an absolute riot against the Six Nations’ worst-ever side.
Giant winger Cokanasiga’s one-handed, no-look, behind-the-back offloads were the ultimate party trick in a routine bonus-point win that was signed, sealed and delivered after just 32 minutes.
England’s heavy-metal 110 stone backline, their biggest ever, was supposed to be a sign of route-one brutality.
Instead, it was pure and utter magic when it fired through the 34-stone midfield of Tuilagi and Ben Te’o.
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Tuilagi’s superb 55m score, his first for five years, was a thing of beauty, not the beastly that this match looked like being on paper.
Teeing-up that trickery, though, Bath’s Cokanasiga went on the rampage twice inside the first 50 seconds spinning, swerving and slicing open Italy’s awful defence and opposite man Angelo Esposito.
This was more like Desposito from the Italians, though, as they tried to deal with the 19-stone tank who held the ball in one humongous hand and used his other as a battering-ram.
England were here to play ball, not bulldoze.
So of course, for all the flair and stardust, the opening try was absolute bread and butter – or fish and chips rugby – as boss Jones likes to call it.
And that stick it up your jumper and truck it up, good old-fashioned English rugby, will be what gets Jones going more than the fantasy football from another planet.
Jamie George was on the end to flop over the opener for just his second ever Test score and first since that epic whitewash of Australia back in 2016.
Though the lead didn’t last long.
Azzurri fly-half Tommaso Allan scored and then converted in the corner after beating Joe Launchbury, Cokanasiga and Ben Youngs from short-range.
Italy too had come to play, just like Jones wanted after trying to wind-up opposite boss Conor O’Shea with his jibes in the week.
Still furious about the way the Championship minnows embarrassed his side here with their “ruck-less” tactics two years ago the Aussie enticed them to attack.
But that was also what got them into the most-trouble.
Italy were never going to out-score a side they have NEVER beaten.
A side that are chasing Wales so hard in the hunt for the trophy in this crunch World Cup year.
When they tried to press hard and high with a rush defence they were caught out and the gaps appeared.
Full-back Elliot Daly stepped into the line before gassing Wasps teammate Michele Campagnaro and setting Jonny May loose down the left-hand side.
The Leicester Tigers winger slid over for his 13th try in 14 Red Rose outings before club mate Tuilagi bounced off that man Esposito again as he sprinted more than half the length of the pitch.
It was vintage Tuilagi from 2012 and one of the reasons Racing 92 want to pay him a whopping £2.5million in a three-year deal to join them in Paris and end his international career.
The 27-year-old turned provider for Brad
‘ easy run-in and the flanker’s first for his country before having Cokanasiga to thank for his second.
One-handed again, 22-year-old Big Joe swotted the Italians off like blue flies before the ball was recycled and Owen Farrell spun to George who teed-up Tuilagi to dive over.
Second-row George Kruis and scrum-half Dan Robson picked up two more gimmes after Luca Morisi’s score, for a hopeless side that never threatened to spoil the party.
The celebrations had started long before kick-off, though.
In the carparks surrounding fortress Twickenham, tail-gaiting punters were crowding around laptops and iPads balanced on crates of Heineken as they streamed the action from Edinburgh.
England vs Italy ratings
BACKS: Daly 7, Cokanasiga 8, STAR MAN Tuilagi 9, Te’o 6, May 7, Farrell 7, Youngs 7.
FORWARDS: Genge 8, George 7, Sinckler 7, Kruis 8, Launchbury 7, Shields 8, Curry 7, Vunipola 6.
Replacements: Cowan-Dickie 6 (for George, 59), Moon 6 (on for Genge, 56), Cole 6 (on for Sinckler, 56), Hughes 7 (on for Launchbury, 66), Wilson, Robson 7 (for Youngs, 62), Ford 7 (for Farrell, 62), Slade 6 (for Tuilagi, 62).
BACKS: Hayward 4, Padovani 4, Campagnaro 3, Morisi 6, Esposito 3, Allan 6, Tebaldi 6.
FORWARDS: Lovotti 6, Bigi 5, Ferrari 3, Ruzza 6, Budd 5, Negri 5, Steyn 5, Parisse 5.
Replacements: Ghiraldini 6 (on for Bigi, 49), Traore 6 (on for Parisse, 62), Pasquali 5 (on for Ferrari, 49), Sisi 5 (on for Budd, 49), Polledri 7 (on for Negri, 49), Palazzani 6 (on for Morisi), McKinley 6 (on for Castello, 33), Castello 4 (on for Campagnaro, 23).
They will do the same next week as they swap their beers for Guinness and hope Ireland will do them a favour in Cardiff.
Back in the ground before kick-off Firestarter by Brit rave legends Prodigy was being blasted out in tribute of Keith Flint, their lead singer who passed away in the week.
Punters will be hoping for more fireworks on the pitch next week now with a win against the Auld Enemy that they hope will seal a third title under Jones.
Just one point is in it, but Warren Gatland’s have the Grand Slam in their sights after Wales beat Scotland 18-11 at Murrayfield.
That clean-sweep will give them the extra three points to take the title with the next serious match against England a possible World Cup, quarter-final grudge match in Japan later this year.