Miranda Kerr is very keen to impress upon us all that her marriage is a traditional one.
It started when she gave a rather delightfully dippy interview to the Times in which she appeared to suggest that she and her then-fiance, Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel, were waiting until marriage to have sex.
In response to being asked if she wanted to have another baby Kerr replied, “Not yet. Not until after we get married. My partner is very traditional.”
Flummoxed, the reporter then pressed whether this meant that she and Spiegel were abstaining from sex.
“We can’t… I mean we’re just… waiting,” Kerr replied.
As you can imagine, the admission garnered flustered headlines all around the world.
Perhaps even more headlines than when Kerr revealed in a 2014 GQ interview that she had earned herself mission into the mile high club (both partnered and alone) and how she felt that sex kept her in shape.
Now Kerr has given an interview in Net-a-Porter’s The Edit offering insight into her “traditional” marriage (Kerr married Spiegel in the backyard of her home in Los Angeles on May 29 this year).
“My grandma taught me that men are visual and you need to make a little effort,” she tells the reporter, “with a wink”.
“So when [Evan] comes home, I make sure to have a nice dress on and the candles lit. We make time to have a nice dinner together.”
“It’s all about balance,” Kerr goes on to explain. “At work, I’m like, ‘We need to do this!’ and, ‘This needs to happen!’ But at home, I slip into my feminine and empower Evan to be in his masculine.”
The reporter, like most of us, is at this stage wondering what Kerr means about “slipping into her feminine”.
It means this: “Just be more in my feelings. More gentle, leaning back. It’s a nice balance.”
If you’re getting that funny feeling that you’ve heard these comments before, you’d be correct. In a 2013 interview (again, with The Edit) Kerr spoke about her then-marriage to actor Orlando Bloom.
“I am quite dominant in my career, so what really works for me when I come home, is to relax more into the feminine side,” she said at the time.
“If you’re really an alpha female, you don’t allow [your partner] to have the space to feel like the man in the relationship.”
Which, well, of course different strokes for different folks and none of us really understand how other people’s relationships work, but isn’t this a little… odd?
One might even say regressive, especially coming from, as it does, a woman who not only runs her own organic beauty company, Kora, has had a long and very successful career as a model and spokesperson for assorted brands but has also written books for young women with the titles Empower Yourself and Treasure Yourself.
Is it not a little disempowering to feel that you need to “lean back” in your marriage, lest your husband feel emasculated? Does feminine really mean a frock and candles and being pleasing? Is it still thought to be masculine and off-putting to be assertive?
Kerr is right that relationships are about balance and compromise, and look, it’s so easy to judge others.
But also, I guess, don’t hide your light under a bushel.
To quote from Empower Yourself, “I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness. Because just like a rose is beautiful, so is a sunflower, so is a peony. I mean, all flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too.”
Just as women don’t come with a manual for how they should be, and neither does femininity. Though I suppose, neither does a marriage.