“Having a TV show gives you carte blanche to say whatever you want about any other TV show,” says The Kid Mero, one half of Viceland’s raucous late-night talkfest Desus & Mero. Co-host Desus Nice takes it a step further: “If you don’t have a TV show, you shouldn’t be allowed to comment on TV shows. This is my new, one percent way of living.” And when you’re that high up in the entertainment world, you’re free to pass judgment on the new crop of fall TV series even if you’ve only seen the trailers—which is all we could show the comedy duo anyway.
1. The Gifted (Fox)
An X-Men spinoff centering on a family with two mutant teenagers.
Mero: Shouts to Marvel for being so expansive that I have no idea what this is, but it’s probably been around for 35 years.
Desus: I think they’re new characters. What would be your mutant power?
Mero: Smoking weed at an alarming rate. I have that power right now.
Desus: Enemies coming up and you’re just [takes an imaginary hit, exhales] blowing weed on them.
Mero: “I just got this dry-cleaned! Why’d you do that?!”
2. Wisdom of the Crowd (CBS)
A Silicon Valley exec (Jeremy Piven) launches a crowdsourcing platform to solve his daughter’s murder.
Mero: This is Waze for snitching.
Desus: They’re jumping on the “new wave” of crowdsourcing that’s only been around for 10 years. But if you’re watching CBS, you don’t know what computers are. Get ready for letters from your Meemaw: “Turn off your phone, they’re crowdsourcing you!”
Mero: Jeremy Piven will always be Ari to me. And shout-out to him for getting a brand-new head of hair.
3. The Deuce (HBO)
The Wire creator David Simon returns with a new prestige series set in New York City in the grimy ’70s—starring multiple Wire alumni, plus Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Franco (as twins).
Mero: Is this about Times Square when it was shitty? Oh, I’m all in!
Desus: The prostitution, the drugs—you could get anything. Get ready, this is the new Hamilton. Every dinner party: “Did you watch The Deuce? Have you seen the Dickensian aspect of Times Square in the ’70s? It’s the most important thing right now! It’s what this generation needs!”
4. Star Trek: Discovery (CBS All Access)
Set a decade before the events of the original Trek, this streaming series stars The Walking Dead’s Sonequa Martin-Green as first officer of the USS Shenzhou.
Mero: Black woman saves the universe—very strong statement. I’m behind it.
Desus: I feel like it’s gonna be controversial on Reddit: “Are they doing this because of diversity?”
Mero: I’m like, bruh, there’s a guy on this who looks like your thumb when you take a shower for too long—
Desus: —so why can’t you have a black-person space captain?
5. Alex, Inc. (ABC)
Zach Braff stars in, directs, and executive-produces this sitcom—based on StartUp, the popular podcast about launching a podcast company.
Desus: As someone who has a podcast, I can tell you that the general American public are gonna be like, “What is a podcast?” You’re going to have to spend every episode describing to people what a podcast is.
Mero: I have disliked Zach Braff ever since I traveled very far to a girl’s house to have intercourse with her and instead we watched Garden State and she fell asleep and then I went home. That’s a very valid reason for not liking Zach Braff.
6. The Orville (Fox)
A live-action Star Trek spoof, created by and starring Family Guy mastermind Seth MacFarlane.
Desus: This is like a side joke from Family Guy, and they blew it up for a whole season.
Mero: Seth MacFarlane, you don’t have to star in everything you do.
Desus: We’re laughing that this is terrible, but in three years we’re gonna be doing this exact show.
Mero: “Desus & Mero in Space? This is terrible!”
Desus: You’re gonna be interviewing someone else, and they’ll be like, “It’s the same thing as their Viceland show! Desus and Mero don’t even try anymore.”
This article appears in the September issue. Subscribe now.
Styling by Angela Kelley for Aubri Balk Inc.; grooming by Brynn Doering for Aubri Balk Inc.; prop styling by Brian Byrne