For lots of people, stating “I’m sorry” after specific circumstances, even those that do not need an apology, is force of habit. But over-apologizing can backfire, particularly in the work environment: It can make others believe less of you, lower your self-confidence, and thin down the effect of future apologies.
The practice can originate from a location of insecurity, and it can be particularly typical amongst ladies and individuals of color, states to Patrice Williams Lindo, CEO of Career Nomad, a profession consulting company.
“We are taught culturally, especially from a Black woman’s perspective, to be super humble and to downplay our wins. That’s how I was raised,” Lindo states. “It was a problem to be prideful in the way you spoke about yourself and your accomplishments. So we feel inadequate and insecure.”
The require to over-apologize is born from this pattern of insecurity– and acknowledging circumstances when you must and should not state “I’m sorry” is among the primary steps to discovering much better expressions to utilize rather, Lindo states.
Here are 3 typical circumstances where you may be lured to over-apologize, and what to think about stating rather.
If you’re experiencing technical troubles
Hybrid and remote work got appeal in the last couple of years, triggering individuals to utilize their electronic gadgets especially. Unfortunately, no matter how tech-savvy you are, technical troubles are bound to happen. And they typically aren’t your fault.
Think about a glitchy video call, for instance. You may feel obliged to ask forgiveness if it takes a long period of time for a discussion to load, if buttons breakdown, or if there’s another technical lag.
“‘I’m sorry’ is often a phrase that people use when they need to fill space,” Lindo states. “They aren’t comfortable with silence.”
Instead of excusing things that run out your control, usage expressions like, “I appreciate your patience” and “Thank you for working with me,” to get rid of any awkwardness and renew an air of self-confidence.
If you require to sign up with a discussion
Suppose you’re going to a conference led by an associate. Someone raises a point you concur or disagree with, and you wish to share your perspective.
You may choose to insert by stating, “Sorry, but I’d like to weigh in.”
This circumstance does not need an apology, Lindo mentions.
“If you have information to add to a conversation or an opposing point of view, that’s completely OK,” she states. “People use ‘I’m sorry’ in these situations to penetrate the conversation and have their voice heard when they don’t have to.”
Instead of saying sorry, utilize expressions like ‘”I’d love to add,” “I think that,” or “Here’s a different perspective.” These expressions assist you contribute without sounding afraid to do so.
Assess the circumstance prior to you speak utilizing the STAR (Situation, Task, Action, and Result) approach, which can ease the requirement to ask forgiveness, Lindo states.
“Let’s say you want to express an opposing point. First, consider the situation and ask yourself, ‘Is this an appropriate time?’ If not, think about what task you can do, maybe reaching out to a manager or advisor beforehand, before saying something you may have to apologize for,” she discusses.
“Decide what action you want to take, and ask yourself, ‘What result am I looking for after this conversation?'”
